Why I Refuse to Use The Phrase “Selfish Knitting”

About a decade ago, I started seeing fellow knitters use the phrase “selfish knitting,” and I’ll be honest: the first time I saw it, I found it kind of charming. It felt irreverent and silly, and I like a little silliness.

But over time, the more I thought about it, the more it rubbed me the wrong way. Eventually, I reached a point where I decided I flat-out don’t like it, and now I don’t use it at all to describe my work, even though much of my knitting could fall under that umbrella.

Here’s why.

What is Selfish Knitting, Anyway?

“Selfish knitting” is a phrase that refers to knitting projects that a knitter makes for their own use. It can be something as small as a coaster or as large as a fingering weight wedding dress. What matters is that the knitter doesn’t make it for anyone else or for any reason other than to use it themself.

Now, many of us knitters get joy out of knitting anything, so there’s an element of making ourselves happy no matter what we knit. That doesn’t mean that everything we knit qualifies as “selfish knitting” just because it makes us happy. To be “selfish knitting,” the finished item can’t be intended for or given as a gift to someone else.

Every year, as we ramp up toward the holiday season and some knitters start focusing heavily on gift knitting, I see this phrase crop up with increasing frequency to contrast with the amount of gift knitting happening. I’ve even seen some people describe January as an unofficial selfish knitting month. That’s why this phrase has been on my mind lately.

Why I Don’t Use the Phrase “Selfish Knitting”

At first blush, the phrase seems like it’s no big deal—and to be perfectly honest, compared to the horrors happening out in the larger world on a regular basis, it really isn’t.

But I also think language choice matters because it shapes perception and influences emotions. I try to be thoughtful about my words, and the more I thought about “selfish knitting,” the less I felt comfortable using it.

It implies that knitting for yourself is a bad thing

My biggest beef with the concept of “selfish knitting” is that it implies knitting for yourself is a bad thing, and therefore the knitter should feel ashamed about it. The very concept of selfishness is bad. It implies a lack of balance in how one thinks about the world. It says the selfish person prioritizes their own frivolous desires and preferences over the real needs of others, even to the extent of harming others. 

But that’s not what’s happening when a knitter knits for their own use. 

Nobody is harmed if I choose to knit a sweater for myself instead of for them. We are not dependent on cottage industries to manufacture handknit sweaters anymore, so if I don’t knit for somebody else, they can get a sweater or some baby stuff another way. That’s true even for your most beloved family member (though I’ll be honest, I generally can’t say no to my daughter when she wants something knit). 

It implies that knitters should only knit for others

If knitting for yourself is a bad thing, as the phrase “selfish knitting” implies, then not knitting for yourself must be a good thing, right? Knitting for others is the way to be a good person and a good knitter, right?

I dunno. Maybe. It’s always nice to do nice things for others, and there are some of us that genuinely believe (for various reasons) that a well-lived life involves at least some element of service to others.

But not everything has to be in service to others. Clothing your own body with handmade items that make you feel good isn’t in direct contradiction to being helpful to others in other ways. For example, I can knit exclusively for myself while also volunteering in my community and donating to causes I care about. The knitting for myself doesn’t cancel out the other good deeds and turn me into a selfish person.

It injects negativity where negativity doesn’t need to exist

Another thing that really irks me about this phrase is that knitting is a happy place for so many of us. Casting on for a new pair of socks is so much fun! Why would I want to layer that with an element of negativity and self-judgment by calling myself a selfish knitter?

Each knitting project is a little escape. When I pick up my yarn and needles, I’m taking a mini vacation, and I’m not interested in taking others’ opinions along with me. I need that space in my imaginary luggage for more yarn.

Nobody calls people “selfish” for engaging in other hobbies

Think about this. If your hobby were restoring classic cars, would people call you selfish for not giving away the finished cars? What about if your hobby were breeding thoroughbred race horses, or goldsmithing, or even something more common like woodworking? Would people call a baseball card collector “selfish” for not giving away their best cards?

People assume knitters will just give away our work because they think our finished projects are things of little value. The reality is the exact opposite. When you stop to think about how much time and thought and skill goes into each handknit item, it’s often an order of magnitude greater than most non-crafters would assume.

“Selfish Knitting” Isn’t a Positive Phrase

I’ve seen some knitters argue that the phrase “selfish knitting” is a reclaiming or a recontextualizing of the word “selfish.” While I can understand the desire to argue that, I don’t think it actually works. Words have generally accepted meanings, and “selfish” is a negative word, just like “insensitive,” “cruel,” and “pigheaded.” Words can change meaning over time, but I haven’t seen much evidence that “selfish” has gone through that process to become a positive word.

And that’s good! We should have negative words to describe things that are actually bad, and true selfishness should be called out for what it is!

I’ve seen other knitters use the phrase “self-care knitting” or “self-love knitting.” While I don’t think knitting for ourselves needs to be justified in order to be valid, I do prefer this framing over something that implies knitting for yourself is a selfish endeavor. 

In-Group Jokes Are Risky Because of Their Potential for Being Misunderstood

One last thought before wrapping up: the idea of “selfish knitting” probably started as a tongue-in-cheek joke, which makes total sense. We often like to poke fun at people who just don’t get it by taking their unkind phrasing and turning it against them.

The problem is that when in-jokes escape containment and make their way out into the general public, that humorous context gets lost and people take the phrase at face value. It puts us right back at square one.

It’s kind of like how my friend Scott can joke privately about how I should sell my knit socks for $50 a pair. He and I both know that he knows that’s an outrageously low price, and I know how much he actually cares for handknits (he’s still using a scarf I knit for him in 2011, and it’s in pristine condition). The joke started as a way to poke fun at people who genuinely believe that’s a generous price to offer for a pair of handknit socks, and it’s fine when the joke stays within our group of friends, where all that context is known. If he were to crack that joke out of context, though, for example while I was speaking on a panel at a knitting event, I’d be pretty unhappy.

Anyway. This is probably more time and energy than I should have spent on a relatively minor issue, all things considered, but you know how things go—if I get a bee in my bonnet, I have to write about it or create a pattern for it or do something to get it to leave me alone. Thanks for coming along on the ride.

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