About a decade ago, I started seeing fellow knitters use the phrase “selfish knitting,” and I’ll be honest: the first time I saw it, I found it kind of charming. It felt irreverent and silly, and I like a little silliness.
But over time, the more I thought about it, the more it rubbed me the wrong way. Eventually, I reached a point where I decided I flat-out don’t like it, and now I don’t use it at all to describe my work, even though much of my knitting could fall under that umbrella.
Here’s why.
What is Selfish Knitting, Anyway?
“Selfish knitting” is a phrase that refers to knitting projects that a knitter makes for their own use. It can be something as small as a coaster or as large as a fingering weight wedding dress. What matters is that the knitter doesn’t make it for anyone else or for any reason other than to use it themself.
Now, many of us knitters get joy out of knitting anything, so there’s an element of making ourselves happy no matter what we knit. That doesn’t mean that everything we knit qualifies as “selfish knitting” just because it makes us happy. To be “selfish knitting,” the finished item can’t be intended for or given as a gift to someone else.
Every year, as we ramp up toward the holiday season and some knitters start focusing heavily on gift knitting, I see this phrase crop up with increasing frequency to contrast with the amount of gift knitting happening. I’ve even seen some people describe January as an unofficial selfish knitting month. That’s why this phrase has been on my mind lately.
Why I Don’t Use the Phrase “Selfish Knitting”
At first blush, the phrase seems like it’s no big deal—and to be perfectly honest, compared to the horrors happening out in the larger world on a regular basis, it really isn’t.
But I also think language choice matters because it shapes perception and influences emotions. I try to be thoughtful about my words, and the more I thought about “selfish knitting,” the less I felt comfortable using it.
It implies that knitting for yourself is a bad thing
My biggest beef with the concept of “selfish knitting” is that it implies knitting for yourself is a bad thing, and therefore the knitter should feel ashamed about it. The very concept of selfishness is bad. It implies a lack of balance in how one thinks about the world. It says the selfish person prioritizes their own frivolous desires and preferences over the real needs of others, even to the extent of harming others.
But that’s not what’s happening when a knitter knits for their own use.
Nobody is harmed if I choose to knit a sweater for myself instead of for them. We are not dependent on cottage industries to manufacture handknit sweaters anymore, so if I don’t knit for somebody else, they can get a sweater or some baby stuff another way. That’s true even for your most beloved family member (though I’ll be honest, I generally can’t say no to my daughter when she wants something knit).
It implies that knitters should only knit for others
If knitting for yourself is a bad thing, as the phrase “selfish knitting” implies, then not knitting for yourself must be a good thing, right? Knitting for others is the way to be a good person and a good knitter, right?
I dunno. Maybe. It’s always nice to do nice things for others, and there are some of us that genuinely believe (for various reasons) that a well-lived life involves at least some element of service to others.
But not everything has to be in service to others. Clothing your own body with handmade items that make you feel good isn’t in direct contradiction to being helpful to others in other ways. For example, I can knit exclusively for myself while also volunteering in my community and donating to causes I care about. The knitting for myself doesn’t cancel out the other good deeds and turn me into a selfish person.
It injects negativity where negativity doesn’t need to exist
Another thing that really irks me about this phrase is that knitting is a happy place for so many of us. Casting on for a new pair of socks is so much fun! Why would I want to layer that with an element of negativity and self-judgment by calling myself a selfish knitter?
Each knitting project is a little escape. When I pick up my yarn and needles, I’m taking a mini vacation, and I’m not interested in taking others’ opinions along with me. I need that space in my imaginary luggage for more yarn.
Nobody calls people “selfish” for engaging in other hobbies
Think about this. If your hobby were restoring classic cars, would people call you selfish for not giving away the finished cars? What about if your hobby were breeding thoroughbred race horses, or goldsmithing, or even something more common like woodworking? Would people call a baseball card collector “selfish” for not giving away their best cards?
People assume knitters will just give away our work because they think our finished projects are things of little value. The reality is the exact opposite. When you stop to think about how much time and thought and skill goes into each handknit item, it’s often an order of magnitude greater than most non-crafters would assume.
“Selfish Knitting” Isn’t a Positive Phrase
I’ve seen some knitters argue that the phrase “selfish knitting” is a reclaiming or a recontextualizing of the word “selfish.” While I can understand the desire to argue that, I don’t think it actually works. Words have generally accepted meanings, and “selfish” is a negative word, just like “insensitive,” “cruel,” and “pigheaded.” Words can change meaning over time, but I haven’t seen much evidence that “selfish” has gone through that process to become a positive word.
And that’s good! We should have negative words to describe things that are actually bad, and true selfishness should be called out for what it is!
I’ve seen other knitters use the phrase “self-care knitting” or “self-love knitting.” While I don’t think knitting for ourselves needs to be justified in order to be valid, I do prefer this framing over something that implies knitting for yourself is a selfish endeavor.
In-Group Jokes Are Risky Because of Their Potential for Being Misunderstood
One last thought before wrapping up: the idea of “selfish knitting” probably started as a tongue-in-cheek joke, which makes total sense. We often like to poke fun at people who just don’t get it by taking their unkind phrasing and turning it against them.
The problem is that when in-jokes escape containment and make their way out into the general public, that humorous context gets lost and people take the phrase at face value. It puts us right back at square one.
It’s kind of like how my friend Scott can joke privately about how I should sell my knit socks for $50 a pair. He and I both know that he knows that’s an outrageously low price, and I know how much he actually cares for handknits (he’s still using a scarf I knit for him in 2011, and it’s in pristine condition). The joke started as a way to poke fun at people who genuinely believe that’s a generous price to offer for a pair of handknit socks, and it’s fine when the joke stays within our group of friends, where all that context is known. If he were to crack that joke out of context, though, for example while I was speaking on a panel at a knitting event, I’d be pretty unhappy.
Anyway. This is probably more time and energy than I should have spent on a relatively minor issue, all things considered, but you know how things go—if I get a bee in my bonnet, I have to write about it or create a pattern for it or do something to get it to leave me alone. Thanks for coming along on the ride.
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Wonderful article. I usually don’t pay much attention to what is said about my knitting but you said “ they think our finished projects are things of little value”. That hit home to me big time! I knit every day because I love it! And can’t stop and don’t want to. And I find selling your finished project you never get what you paid for even in the yarn you use. So, yes I knit for myself whatever I feel like wearing, tops, shawls, scarfs, coasters, blankets……. And I have given lots away to friends who say something like” oh how beautiful that is!” And just give it to them. Because I know I have another excuse to make it again! I love knitting!
I love that your knitting gives you joy, and I hope it stays that way forever!
Most of my knitting is for me. I struggle with sizing of socks, or hats, for others. I wholeheartedly dislike deadlines for finishing projects. If I deem someone “worthy” of my knitting, I will give the item as a gift.
I don’t consider that selfish. I consider it a sign of self-respect. I knit because I absolutely love it! Looking to others to value my work is a crapshoot. Some do, some don’t. Those that do will get occasional gifts.
Thanks for broaching this topic. It helped me put into words that I am entitled to use my knitting as I see fit.
You’ve hit on something so important! Sizing for others can be incredibly tricky, especially when that person lives far away and you can’t easily just hold something up to them.
@Carol, Sizing is a big issue, and also the material, the color, etc. and making something to specifications does take the creative fun out of it for me.
Thank you so much for this post!! This has been a soapbox issue for me for many years. Its also very prevalent in the crochet community (from my experience as a professional crochet designer & teacher, I think even more so than in knitting). I agee with all your points, especially that other hobbies do not have the stigma attached to them that doing it for yourself & not as a gift is somehow wrong, or against the societal norms.
Another thing I balk at, which is very closely related, is the notion that yarn crafters should be making things not only as gifts, but for charity (there’s a lot of pressure for this in the crochet community – the Crochet Guild of America even has a competition every year for which chapter makes the most charity items). For the money I spend on yarn, and the amount of time I spend making an item, I can donate many more items & do more good if I purchase them.
I think it all comes down to the age-old issues of a) devaluing women’s work (not that men can’t enjoy yarn crafting!! But society does view it as a primarily female hobby), and b) the notion that women should always be putting others before themselves.
Do you feel that soft breeze blowing past you? That’s the long-distance effect of my enthusiastic applause after reading your comment. The pressure to make for charity when charities have repeatedly said they need money most of all really frustrates me.
@Juliette, I have to agree with your comment about charity knitting. I was doing knitting for a charity thinking the recipients wanted/needed what was being made. Until one of my kids deployed and said “mom, we don’t need that stuff. This is what we really need”. It wasn’t that they didn’t appreciate it, but it wasn’t what they needed. They wanted candy or beef jerky or any other kind of food. I no longer do charity knitting. A lot of charities also have very specific yarns and dimensions. I’ll knit for myself and give away projects to people I know.
@Juliette, I have had a charity group at my church for years. We get together and try all kinds of fun patterns and learn new skills. We have an annual craft sale after which we donate 100% of the profits to 2 groups that help young moms. Many of the items that are left are donated to various groups that we know enjoy receiving them, the rest are saved for the next annual craft sale. Much of the yarn we use is donated and some we buy ourselves when we find good sales. We also enjoy knitting and crocheting for ourselves and sharing skills and ideas. I agree that it shouldn’t be a competiton! Our group members have a wide variety of skill levels and we don’t want anyone to feel less valued if they take longer to finish a project or need a simpler project.
Thanks for the piece. I hate the phrase and never use it. I’ve had so many people ask me who I am knitting something for, and when I say “myself!” with a smile, they give me a surprised look, or worse, a sour look. As if they are thinking “what’s wrong with you?”
Then, there are the people who take me aside, confidentially, to tell me that I could sell what I’m making, or even demand “why aren’t you selling these?” in a accusing way, like I have let down the whole capitalist system.
There’s a lot to unpick here!
Kathy (Northwest Knitting on social media)
Oh yes, I’ve definitely had my fair share of disappointed strangers who didn’t like that I was knitting for myself. Well, if they don’t like it, they’re welcome to start knitting for others to fill in any gaps.
Let’s call it “personal knitting.”
I couldn’t agree with this more! I used to use this phrase, but decided it wasn’t fair to label my work this way. If I want something specific in a certain color and I can’t find it in a store, it’s not selfish to make it for myself. It’s being creative. Many of the other comments already posted resonated with me. Sizing is a problem and I’ve found some people don’t like handmade items because of the special care they need. I don’t want a gift to be a burden, and not everyone appreciates or wants a handknit item. Just like me making items for me, not wanting a handmade item is not rude or selfish. It’s a preference.
I’m so glad to hear from another knitter who understands that it can be perfectly reasonable for people to not want handmade items. That’s one of my core beliefs for the rare times when I do knit for others: I knit something they’ll like, using colors and materials they prefer, and once I’ve given it to them, it’s theirs to do with as they please.
I have always disliked the phrase selfish knitting. To me, it implies that people knitting for others are intrinsically better, kinder, nicer, etc.
Yep, it does do a fair bit of insulting through implication, doesn’t it?
Loved this post-I have got to nearly eighty years old and other people’s comments about anything at all now just fly away over my head.For the first time in my life taking absolutely no notice of things being said gives me peace of mind-I wish that for all like minded lovely people,hugs and blessings to all,
One thing I’m trying to teach my daughter is that some people’s opinions matter some of the time, but not nearly as many people’s opinions matter as those people think!
I love this article.
Generally, I find those who are giving the “You are selfish” message are doing that as they are not happy that you are not doing what they want. My personal favorites are “Wouldn’t this give you somethings” and…”You do this all the time…what is the big deal?” I used to hear the second one when I was working six days a week.
I don’t use the term selfish knitting anymore.
I think you’ve definitely hit on something here. So often, judgment of others comes from a place of unhappiness inside.
Great blog post and wonderful comments. Couldn’t agree more with all the comments.